I've reached a roadblock... albeit probably mental, but successful in stopping me in my tracks and chipping away at my confidence.
Taking a break from derby September-February was the best and worst thing I've ever done. I needed the break. I was wore out and burned out on the tough travel schedule we faced last season. I needed some time to recollect myself, to focus on some other areas of my life that needed attention.
But I missed it. I missed my girls, my family. I needed the stress relief and the outlet that skating provides to my mental health. The physical health benefits as well... its amazing how quickly you lose "it".
Coming back felt great.... I felt like this being my 3rd year playing, things would finally "click" more for me. I know its a constant fight... pushing the limits, pushing the comfort levels to be the best skater I am capable of being. But first contact in, and I took a brutal hit to the knee during a drill, most likely worsened by the fact that my supporting muscles are weak and not able to protect my knee as well, and all of that confidence is gone.
As a jammer, I realize that a very large and very real percent of derby is a mental game. Its a game that tests not as much your ability to knock others down, but YOUR ability to get back up. I've been working a grueling 7 day-a-week, 75 hour work schedule, with my only other free time devoted to skating. But as much as I NEED to skate, when I enter the rink, I'm already mentally tired. I want to forget about all the tasks looming before me and focus nothing more than derby. Somehow, that's not happening.
After my little knee snafu at the beginning of February, we pushed right into scrimmages. I felt like a baby giraffe, and the knee was compounding the problem. Lined up on the jammer line, and promptly got stuck in the pack, time-after-time-after-time. Mentally, I wanted to make excuses for myself: the teams are lop-sided, we have a lot of newbies, I'm easing back into it to guard my knee, etc.
But the reality is that I'm mentally out-of-shape. I'm letting each of those failed attempts at getting through the pack eat away at my confidence. I'm allowing myself to let fear and self-loathing affect how I skate. It changes the way I approach the pack, it stops me from trying to get around that stubborn blocker. And the worst part is, its mental and the only person I have to blame is myself.
I left practice last night after a particularly frustrating scrimmage wondering if I am not ready to be out there yet. No exercise can help with mental struggles-- its an internal problem that only I can overcome. But I began feeling like my super-low confidence and mental strength may be putting myself at risk for even more injuries, like I'm a walking accident waiting to happen.
I want this year to be the best... I want to grow as a skater. I want so bad to be a valuable asset to this team. But right now, I just want to crawl into my little hole and stay there for awhile.
What do you do to get mentally tough? What pulls you out of the derby-funk haze?
Comments much appreciated.
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"No exercise can help with mental struggles-- its an internal problem that only I can overcome."
ReplyDeleteI disagree with this comment. Mental prep for athletics is something that requires training, involves drills, talking with teammates, coaches, etc. It should be actively addressed by your coaches/trainers. It is probably the most overlooked thing in amateur derby. Your frustrations are shared by almost everyone in the sport. You are not alone and you cannot solve these very real problems by yourself.
There are a ton of resources to help you, too. Google books and resources dealing with: sport psychology, mental training, motivation in sports, etc. Try and get your team to talk about this stuff openly and directly, and even spend some practice time and planning thinking about how mental preparation can be incorporated.
I went through a mental block too, after an injury and with a pack full of rookie blockers. I wish I could tell you how I came out of it...I can't pinpoint it, but I did the same thing you did by writing it down for the world to see. I know that helped.
ReplyDeleteBest thing I heard at Blood & Thunder Camp this weekend was take it one lap at a time. Most of us think about it one jam at a time, but take it even further down to a lap at a time and know that if you didn't get out of the pack this lap, you damn sure aren't going to be stuck in it on the next one.
I am starting back up on Friday (fingers crossed) after a concussion and 4 dislocated ribs in January. I get it... I'm actually scared to start skating with my team again! But you can bet your butt I've told them this and they're going to make sure I'm successful.
ReplyDeleteOne thing we do is push eachother. If I have a really crappy jam, they put me back into the next one. They let me know I can do it by pushing me and breaking it down for me. In warm up laps, we're talking about strategy and process.
Ryan's got it right. Open this up to the team... How can they help you prepare to get through the pack? What mental whips and assists can they give you? How can they tell you when to get off your damn knee so you don't injure yourself beyond the point of no return? (Yeah, I went there.)
You got this, lady.
For me, the encouragement of my fellow skaters is priceless. What can I say; I'm a praise whore. ; ) If you've had a bad lap, a bad jam, a bad scrimmage, a bad practice, just remember that you've done better before and can again. You gotta look at what's going on as temporary.
ReplyDeleteTry to notice 1 good thing you did in that lap, jam, etc. Maybe on 1 where you didn't get through the pack, maybe you at least got no penalties (not even minors) If you're taken out, notice if you at least fell in an appropriate safe and small fall and if you got up quickly. If you're blocking, did you do 1 effective thing in that jam. I feel like I'm saying all this simple stuff that you already know and have mastered far better than I, but sometimes we all (and not just in derby) need reminders of the simple stuff (like the breaking things down into small parts and feeling less overwhelmed.) Trust me, as Zan Axe liked to tease me, "some people pay for this s#^t," (meaning the stuff I say, the advice I give). Once more back-at-it-again practices are under your belt, things will be more automatic for you again. And, if it comforts you any, you seemed to be an effective pain in my butt during scrimmage.
I have no advice, but this is one thing that immobilizes me worse than anything else, too. Well, maybe one piece of advice: Just focus on doing one thing at a time. Like making it past one blocker (and you know who the best ones are) instead of all the way through the pack. But I don't know... you'll get through it and be better because of it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the words everyone. I'm not giving up, and hoping that I can kick my brain back in shape.
ReplyDelete