Mental Beat-down

I've reached a roadblock... albeit probably mental, but successful in stopping me in my tracks and chipping away at my confidence.

Taking a break from derby September-February was the best and worst thing I've ever done. I needed the break. I was wore out and burned out on the tough travel schedule we faced last season. I needed some time to recollect myself, to focus on some other areas of my life that needed attention.

But I missed it. I missed my girls, my family. I needed the stress relief and the outlet that skating provides to my mental health. The physical health benefits as well... its amazing how quickly you lose "it".

Coming back felt great.... I felt like this being my 3rd year playing, things would finally "click" more for me. I know its a constant fight... pushing the limits, pushing the comfort levels to be the best skater I am capable of being. But first contact in, and I took a brutal hit to the knee during a drill, most likely worsened by the fact that my supporting muscles are weak and not able to protect my knee as well, and all of that confidence is gone.

As a jammer, I realize that a very large and very real percent of derby is a mental game. Its a game that tests not as much your ability to knock others down, but YOUR ability to get back up. I've been working a grueling 7 day-a-week, 75 hour work schedule, with my only other free time devoted to skating. But as much as I NEED to skate, when I enter the rink, I'm already mentally tired. I want to forget about all the tasks looming before me and focus nothing more than derby. Somehow, that's not happening.

After my little knee snafu at the beginning of February, we pushed right into scrimmages. I felt like a baby giraffe, and the knee was compounding the problem. Lined up on the jammer line, and promptly got stuck in the pack, time-after-time-after-time. Mentally, I wanted to make excuses for myself: the teams are lop-sided, we have a lot of newbies, I'm easing back into it to guard my knee, etc.

But the reality is that I'm mentally out-of-shape. I'm letting each of those failed attempts at getting through the pack eat away at my confidence. I'm allowing myself to let fear and self-loathing affect how I skate. It changes the way I approach the pack, it stops me from trying to get around that stubborn blocker. And the worst part is, its mental and the only person I have to blame is myself.

I left practice last night after a particularly frustrating scrimmage wondering if I am not ready to be out there yet. No exercise can help with mental struggles-- its an internal problem that only I can overcome. But I began feeling like my super-low confidence and mental strength may be putting myself at risk for even more injuries, like I'm a walking accident waiting to happen.

I want this year to be the best... I want to grow as a skater. I want so bad to be a valuable asset to this team. But right now, I just want to crawl into my little hole and stay there for awhile.

What do you do to get mentally tough? What pulls you out of the derby-funk haze?

Comments much appreciated.

We are all FAMILY.

You see the attitudes. The smack talk, the power hits, the brutal knock-downs, the bruises and even the occasional broken bones. You hear about the skirmishes, the penalty box confrontations, the ejections, and the expulsions.

But what you might not hear enough about is that at the end of the day, as we unlace our skates, we are the most loyal and fiercely protective family that anyone could ever ask for. Derby is more than the aggressive sport, its more than the persona we portray on the track. It is a lifestyle that we've chosen, and a family that we have adopted for better or worse as our own.

Whether it be the trust and respect that is earned by one another in the throes of bout-time battle, the solidarity in running a successful business and community champion, or perhaps the fact that getting 40+ women together 3 times a week things start to "sync" up (if ya get my drift), the outcome is a family of like-minded women who despite it all, have your back through thick and thin.

Whether its your derby wife you call in the middle of the night when you need a sober ride home, or the army of derby girls that comes to your rescue when a relationship goes south and you want him out NOW, or the crew that will pull miracles to save you from 2,000 miles away.... you come to know that despite whatever headache may face you on track or at practice, your family is solidly and firmly rooted behind you.

This family extends beyond the confines of your own league. Almost like the cousins you hardly know and only see once a year or every other year at best, skaters on competing leagues are part of this family. Because while we may hate each other for two 30-minute periods, at the end of the day we all do this thing we love -- we play derby. And it doesn't matter which team we're on or what positions we play, we're all there doing the thing we love together.

Which is why when I read that a fellow derby girl is in need of help, I don't even think twice about helping her. I've never met Sk8 Outta Compton, a recently retired skater from the Atlanta Rollergirls team. I don't have to know her personally to respect what she has done for this sport and what she accomplished in her skating career. But even though I never had the chance to know her, or skate against her, she is family and she needs our help. Those satchels will be used in my skate bag proudly, and I will print a big #310 (her derby number) on them to remind me of my far-away derby sister and her new journey.

I'm proud to call all of the strong women in the derby-verse my sweaty, stinky, and often PMS-y family, and am proud to know that if ever a time comes where I have to put in the derby-distress beacon, that an army will be there for me where ever I might be in my life. How has YOUR derby family come to save you? Share your stories in the comments!

Be sure to visit Sk8 Outta Compton's blog. Read her story. See how you can help.

Derby Presents

Ever since they started popping up at derby practice and bouts everywhere, I've had a severe case of Zuca bag envy.

Well, I officially have my own Zuca bag of awesomeness, and how much more eRacer X-ish can this bag get?!?




It's appropriately named the Zuca ZOOM bag. And its mine! Yay for derby presents!

Back with a Vengence.

So I nudged my way back a little early. I just couldn't wait to get back any longer. I stepped back in the middle of bootcamp last Wednesday, and have been trying to get my skate feet under me since.

The new skates are heaven. Literally. They feel like they were made for my foot. I am in LOVE. So far, only very mild break-in discomfort, and that was after the 5 minute timed laps deal because of the pressure put on my ankles from crossing over for 5 minutes straight. EZ Fits helped immensely, I suggest getting them for those breaking-in new skates. Asphalt Beach has them in stock all the time.

Which brings me to the OMG story for the blog.... 5 Minute Timed laps.

I was fully expecting myself to be full-of-SUCK for this time trial being that I haven't skated or done much of anything except work since September of last year. Since this is only my 2nd time on skates since then, I still feel like I'm baby-Bambi on my skates all over again.

Last season, I figured out the key to success for these is a nice steady pace of nothing but cross-overs in the diamond formation for the ENTIRE 5 minutes. Yes, nothing but crossovers. Its hell on your ankles and lower back, since you MUST be in for-real derby stance the entire time, but you aren't expending the energy gliding the curves and having to work back up on the straight-aways.

Having figured this little gem of information out, the most common annoyance for me is getting stuck behind someone and having this rhythm disrupted. Don't believe me? See what a difference it makes, and you'll understand why I avoid breaking rhythm at all costs. With it becoming such a methodological rhythm, the only thing left to focus on is breathing deeply in and out, and trying to push that rhythm a bit faster each time. I almost want to bring my ipod and ear-buds for total relaxation to see how well I can do to an up-tempo techno tune, so I can tune out the distractions even more.

So for this time trial, I just went back to that happy place in my mind, and focused on the breathing and crossing. Last season, I averaged about 31.5 laps, with a season high of 32.5 laps. I was fully expecting to come in around 29-30 laps being out of shape and out of practice.

Imagine my OH MY GOD surprise when they tell me I posted a career high of 33.5 laps!

Seriously. I am in shock. Not only is that the highest amount of laps I've ever posted, but I did some digging through our old stats and that's the highest ANY skater has ever posted in our records.

The awesome part about this is that I didn't feel like that was 110% of my possible effort. I had reserved a bit too much in the tank at the end.

The only explanation I can offer for this is:

1. My new skates are BAD ASS. They are lighter, and they must be helping keep me lower and more efficient by keeping my heel in place. As DDG's experimental skate mechanic, I am hoping I can convince the girls this season how important the proper gear and maintenance is to their performance. (Hello, ASIAN INVASION, with ceased up bearings and falling apart skates last season. I'm talking directly to you...)
   
   
2. Quitting smoking is for winners. FOR REAL. I quit at the end of November. I feel SO much better. For all of those timed laps last season, I was hacking up a lung and about to puke after each time trial. This season? Not at all! I'm now a believer on how much smoking and drinking impairs skate performance. I have been working so much I haven't had a chance to drink much either. Mission #2 for the season: getting our league to improve smoking/drinking/nutrition habits. Just look at Nashville. They quit as a team and they went to Nationals. Enough said.
   
   
3. I'm praying this isn't a fluke. I've been known to post ridiculous beginning numbers and then take forever to reach or exceed them again, so I'm hoping this is not one of those flukey-type performances. I'm hoping this is a precursor to an awesome season of lots of super-jammer performances. I'm taking it as an inspiration towards greatness....

Man, I cannot tell you how great it feels to be back! I'd love to hear from others to see what you/your league have as average and top honors in this drill! Leave comments!

PS: Above is a pic I snapped at day 1 of bootcamp. I think these freshies are going to be great! They've done better than any of the recruits I've ever seen us have, so I can't wait to be playing with them this season!

Broken Hearted Skate-a-thon 2011 Edition

Well, its that time of year again, folks.

The 4th Annual Broken Hearted Skate-a-thon is coming up again! This is the fund raiser we do every year to benefit the American Heart Association where we ask for donations per lap we skate during the 2 hour skate-a-thon.

Last year you might remember I was challenged by a friend to do 250 laps in an attempt to "melt my little skate wheels off". I accepted, and turned in a dizzying 316-lap performance which took me about a week to recover from.

Well this year, I'm going to attempt to melt down my new skate wheels and shoot for 325 laps. We raised a ton of $$ last season for the American Heart Association to give back to the "Broken Hearted", and I'm hoping that with your spare change we can beat that this year as well!

Everyone is invited to come skate laps for Broken Hearts with us on February 9th at Roller Time Skate Center (707 Arcadia Cir. Huntsville, AL) for a $10 donation (+$3 for skate rental).

OR

you can make a one-time donation online!

I've made it super easy... just click below to donate via paypal.

Donations are TAX DEDUCTIBLE!

Thanks for all your support!

New Skates = Happy Dance!

At the end of the 2010 season, my good old Vixens found a new home with one of our freshies, Marley. I loved those things, but after trying on Cakeface's super light weight skates, the skate mechanic in me decided I wanted some new super badass skates for my 2011 return.

I did months of research (what else is there to do in the offseason, anyways?). I had decided I wanted the new Riedell Powerdyne Revenge plates, but hadn't made up my mind on a new boot. I know I wanted to upgrade, but couldn't decide between the 951, 965 (Minx), 911(Jammer) or 1065(Siren) model boots.

In December, Asian Invasion and I made a quick day trip up to Asphalt Beach in Nashville. I had narrowed it down to either the Minx or Sirens by this point, but really wanted to try them on. Both felt wonderful, but with my skinny little ankles, the Sirens had the Heel lock system that helps to keep your heel planted in the skate instead of the slippage I'm used to dealing with. So, I decided to go with the Sirens.

My official return is February 2nd, so I won't get to try them out in practice mode until then. But let me tell ya, I'm finding every excuse to put them on my feet and play around that I can. The night I picked them up, I had to work at my second job Advance Auto (how else am I gonna afford awesome new derby skates?!?). We were slow, which worked as a perfect opportunity to test them out by doing laps around the store and booty blocks into the display racks! Take that, brake cleaner!

Can't wait to be back!

Hello, and welcome to 2011!

HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO OUT THERE?!?!?



Wow, I've been neglecting my eRacer X-files blog entirely too long.

My excuse is that I got wrapped up in the selfless and team-oriented writings that I do as the DDG Examiner. But that doesn't really allow me to talk about my skating exploits personally, so my resolution for 2011?

BACK WITH THE BLOG!

Man, I have a ton to catch up on. But for now, just know that I'm currently working towards returning to DDG and have been on skating hiatus since September. Skating = my sanity, and I really need some sanity back!

I'm also really missing the focus that blogging here gave my skating, so I'll be working on those 2011 skater goals and all other forms of craziness shortly!

Shoves & Bruises,

eRacer X